SPD's & High-strung children....The Ultimate Summer Meltdown

     Sensory Processing Disorder,  High-strung children...........and Summer

     Summer.  Sunny mornings, sleeping in a little late, no lunches to pack, no mad dashes out the door to catch the bus...Ice cream, swimming pools, fireworks, yeah...paints a pretty picture doesn't it?

     The school bell rings for the last time, officially commencing the end of my two little darlings 1st grade year.  We are all excited.  Even I was.  After a very busy, and challenging academic year, I was proud of my boys.  High-strung dispositions & Sensory Issues in tow, my guys did about as well, even better, then I could have possibly hoped for. 

     Without the academic challenges and tight behavior boundaries...with Summer... it could only get better.

     WRONG

     To put it bluntly, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

     They awakened and were almost immediately out of control.  The mornings started with running, jumping, screaming, fighting, back talking, bad table manners, stuff thrown carelessly all over the house.  They were bored. They wanted ice cream or Oreo cookies for breakfast.  When I said no, the meltdowns were ridiculous.  Matchbox cars were flying thru the air, mattress were turned into jumpies, every time I looked out the window, one of them was in the street. The word, "MOMMY",  was uttered about every 5 minutes.  The word NO became the official language of the house.

     We were officially out of control. And I could not seem to get them back on track.   I was stunned. How did this happen?  What happened to all my hard work?  What happened to all of our behavior accomplishments?  Was it a dream?  A fluke?  OMG!!!  It was a fluke....a random series of accidental  positive behavior changes that happened to last for about a year or so.  And the run was over. 

     Translation : I SUCKED.  Everything that I thought I knew about how to manage Sensory/High-strung children was an illusion!  I was a failure!   I knew nothing...and we were doomed.  I promptly opened up a bottle of wine and quit writing my blog.  I was a fake.  It was over. 

     Two weeks later...Howard Glasser, " The Nurtured Heart Approach".  Somewhere in the back of my memory I remembered one of you wonderful readers recommended him  to me.  I went to the library, rented his audio, and watched it almost straight thru. 

     Three hours later,  with much learned.....I also remembered how much I had forgotten.  How I myself had fallen and unraveled into old parenting behaviors and ruts.  I had forgotten about  negative attention.  I forgot how my kids natural temperament's  can thrive and run-amuck with too much negative attention.  How it actually becomes an energy source for them to fuel more negative behavior.  I forgot that Sensory/High-strung kids have trouble with "Starts & Stops".  Even with good "starts".....even the start of Summer......

     BINGO.........

     I had the answer.  What had happened?  Summer is what happened...or at least the "start" of Summer.  My children's immature central nervous systems just did not have to goods yet  to handle the excitement of transitioning into Summer.  Loving the idea of starting Summer did not necessarily mean that they could yet handle the emotional charge that came with the idea of endless days of fun fun fun, and lacking the  very much needed structure.   So, they unraveled.  I unraveled.

     So, with thanks to Howard Glasser, I was reminded about some of the stuff that I already knew, and implemented some priceless techniques that were new to me.  I took a deep breath, and started again. 

     Remarkably, within two days, I was able to revert my kids back to their new norm.  They calmed down, started listening again, backed off of a lot of negative behavior, and looked happier again.  I was happier again.  Summer was happier.

     Hence, I have started writing my blog again....I don't suck.

     What I am really excited about is sharing all the tips and insights that I learned from Howard Glasser.  I look forward to sharing firsthand how I have used his techniques, what that actually looks like, and reporting the success.

     So I will end with this thought.  Be careful about the unseen booby-traps that summer can bring...and if you find yourself experiencing some unraveling with your kids...know that it is normal.  All is not lost.  Just pull up your bootstraps and go back to the basics....

     Have a nice Summer,

     Qannie
    

Sensory Processing Disorders...Our children, what will become of them and all their glitches....

     Worry.  A state of mind that I have come to be well acquainted with.  When you are blessed with children with special needs, you can't help but worry.  What will become of them?  How will they do in life?  Will they overcome these obstacles?  Will they be able to do well in school?  Will they socially mature and make friends? Or will they be the kid who don't get invited to the Birthday party, the one last picked on the team?  Will school lunch be a hurtful, dreaded experience because everybody is making fun of them and nobody will sit next to them? Can I do enough for them so that they will be able to find their place in the world, a place that leads to self contentment and inner happiness? Or will it be a life long challenge of having to watch my children  struggle emotionally, socially, academically?  Will  I, as their parent have to watch and  simultaneously feel my heart break for them?  These are some of the things that  cross my mind.  As positive as I am by nature, when the day has come to an end, and the lights are off, I worry.

     Yesterday at the park,  as I watched my two free spirited, worry free, children play amongst their peers, my mind strayed once again to that all consuming question, "What will become of them?". 

     As I once again, faced these concerns for their futures, I decided to look in the present for some answers.

     My friend Carm.  She is classic OCD.  When you talk to her, she is consistently blinking her eyes, clearing her throat, hyperventilating, and talking way to fast.  She is definitely glitchy.  Carm, is 40 years old.  She finished college with a masters in Social Work, started her own Nail Salon, which evolved into a wellness center, and sold it for quite a impressive amount of cash...Everybody loves Carm.  She is smart, funny, intuitive, and she draws people to her.  Everybody is aware of her glitches...but they, as well as  myself, just don't care.  WE like Carm.  Carm is successful, happy, and living her dreams.  Really nothing to worry about over Carm.

     My friend Donna.  Donna is definitely on the ADHD side of the fence. She talks very fast, changes topic rapidly, often makes leaps in the conversation that appear to have nothing at all to what you are talking about.  She is a meticulous note taker...she must...or she will forget. I just love Donna.  She is a successful sales person who is smart, a great people read, hard working, a positive person to be around,  and somebody whom I would not second guess to quickly.  Donna has glitches.  It is apparent after you get to know her...but who cares, did not stop me from loving our conversations and wanting to be around her.  And apparently her glitches don't seem to get in the way of her meeting her fullest potential.  Really nothing to worry about Donna.

     Sara.  Sara too can be a little ADD.  Her short term memory is pretty awful.  She often tells me the same story over and over again.  Insists that the conversation that we had "never happened".    Sara is one of the smartest people I know.  It is often her that I go to if I am stumped.  Sara is one of the most successful people in her industry.  Her common sense is second to none.  Her ability to be a chameleon and mold herself into just about any situation is admirable.  She has a tremendous ability to see the "big picture", and it is this particular quality that has led to a life of success professionally, and inter personally.  Sara is happy.  People like Sara.  Sara likes Sara...as well as she should, she is a good person, and an asset to have in one's life.  Really nothing to worry over Sara.
    
     Which leads me to myself.  As a child I was an absolute mess.  I came into this world, colicky, high-strung, a little ADD and way to sensitive.  I have some battle wounds from childhood that I would rather not remember.  As an adult, I can sometimes be a little too intense, still a little  ADD, and my short term memory is rather embarrassing.  Yet, today, I can say that  I am happy.  I have friends, a wonderful family, and I have enjoyed great success in my career. I am proud of who I am.  I accept my flaws as well as my strengths.  Like all of the people that I admire most in this world, despite all of our glitches, I have found my spot in this world and I am content.  At the end of the day, I do not worry about myself....

     With great relief, as I let my mind wonder through this empirical  evidence, with the realization that perhaps most of us have come into this world a little glitchy, imperfect, and yet, through the grace of human spirit, loving parents, and perhaps some magic, we are all okay.  With great relief , I embraced the knowledge that  my children,  too,  would be okay. 

     I think everybody has a story.  It is what makes us human.  Where we draw strength from, glean wisdom, it's what  help's us to understand our children...

      So that is my new found wisdom for the day.  I worry too much.  I will always worry, that just comes with the territory of loving children.  However, the next time I feel myself overcome with the thought, "What will become of their future?", I will look to present to find comfort.

     qannie47


      

Sensory Processing Disorder: Slowing down Hyperactive Behavior....

     Sensory Processing Disorder & Hyperactive behavior....I have found that children with Sensory Issues can also exhibit traits that mimic Hyperactive behavior.  Whether they are sensory seeking, or sensory sensitive, these kids can have a somewhat "backward" relationship with stimuli, and it's effect on them.

     When my children both started to look like two nuclear energy balls...figuring out how to slow them down of course became a focus.

      Using good, basic common sense, it seemed to me that if my little guys had a lot of energy, I should encourage activities that would require "high energy output" in order to slow them down, tire them out.   Activities that involved lots of running, jumping, big cardiac workouts...I took my kids to parks, long bike rides, jumpy places.....for hours I would watch them put out immense amounts of energy.  I then would wait for the end of the day CRASH...Waited for the "Mommy..I'm sooo tired".....Surprise...it very seldom came, if ever.

     So I thought, I must add more activity to their day! That of course involved longer bike rides, extended park time for them to run around and scream their little heads off....Nothing...again, very seldom did these kids come home energy depleted....

     Then the irony hit me,  "IT SEEMED THAT THE MORE ENERGY MY KIDS PUT OUT, THE MORE ENERGY THEY GOT"  Like little magnetic energy balls, it became more apparent that they seemed to feed off heightened levels of stimuli.  By the end of a high energy day, my children were not tired.  They were crabby and more emotional volatile, a little crazy,  but not tired.   Hence, what wore most kids out by the end of the day seemed to have the opposite effect on mine.

     HMM......

     Sensory Kids: An inability to take in external stimuli and organize it effectively.....

     One day, we decided to go to the beach.  I watched my kids swim against Lake Michigan currents, build sand castles, which required several trips back and forth carrying heavy buckets filled with water and wet sand. I watched them move around an old abandoned tire around the beach for hours.  They manipulated this tire for hours...slow, heavy, methodic work.  I watched them run the beach...running on sand I noticed caused "resistance".  They were unable to reach peak speed.  Their sprints in the sand were slower, required a  more contolled  effort.  It was not an especially hot day.  Actually it was early fall and quite cool.  So at the end of the day, when we promptly loaded our two little darlings into the back of the car for the ride home, I was quite amazed to find that they zonked out in five minutes. THEY FELL ASLEEP. THEY NEVER FELL ASLEEP IN THE CAR!!

     Huh?  What was different about this day?  I had in fact seen them put out much higher levels of energy and it had not fazed them a bit.  In fact when they were five, we as a family did a 15 mile bike ride in Michigan..they did not fall asleep that day.

     It was this day that I gleaned my first insights into how you go about slowing down a sensory kid. 

     The key does not lye in how "much" energy is put out.  The key seemed to lye in "what kind" of energy was  being put out:  Slow, Deep, Controlled.    

     From that point on, when I wanted to tire my kids out, or slow them down. I tried something different.  I didn't make them run around, or put them on their bikes for hours, or bring them to jumpie gyms...Nope...I did these kinds of things instead....

     I  ask them to move my furniture around the house several times until I find the "perfect"spot.    I have them move boxes filled with books from one room to the next in an effort to "help" mommy.  I bring them to beaches and swimming pools.  I look for sled parks and challenge them to races "up" the hill (winter or summer).  I enrolled them in gymnastics, the rope climbing, parallel bars, rings...When I needed a hole dug, (weather I really needed one or not), I had them dig it.  Raking leaves....

     Slow, Deep, Controlled.  I believe that several important things happen when a High strung, sensory kid engages in these kinds of movements.  First, the sensory input is what their brains crave and need.  The deep, controlled movements give sensational sensory input and the brains says's "aaah".  Second, The movements are slow, again, more controlled, and it teaches the brain "how" to "slow down", actually allows the brain to feel what it's like to go at a slower pace.  Third, Ever exercise?  Try riding a bike.  It is much easier and less taxing on the body if you are peddling fast on a light gear.  Switch it to a higher, harder gear.  I guarantee you, it will slow you down, you will feel the resistance, it will be much harder, and you will feel like you had a much harder work out in the end and you will be tired.  Slow down your child's pace with added resistance: you will get a tired child who slows down.

     The furniture? A lot of deep slow resistance that also slows down their pace.  The boxes? Same thing.  The swimming pool and beach? While it may appear that your kids are moving fast, but not if you compare it to running at a park.  The water provides resistance, gives them great sensory input, and indeed it is a slower deeper energy output.  Running up hills?   Much the same...Get it? 

     So.  When you are trying to slow your children down, remember these tips....Slow, Deep, Controlled.  It worked so well for mine that I am convinced it will work for yours.  Give it a try. 

     Email me and let me know.

     Qannie   
      

     Sensory Issues:  Emotional & Social Milestones…..

     Children with Sensory and Auditory processing issues often will be delayed in maturity milestones.  Emotional regulation, Impulse control, Frustration tolerance…..these are just some of the areas you may see your child a bit delayed.  When a sensory child is delayed in these areas, it can also cause delays in other areas: attention span,  learning, social skills, etc….

     Here is what I have understood about the world of Sensory Issues, how I would explain it, in general, and simple terms.  I have learned that Sensory kids, when encountering the outside world, (we will refer to it as “stimuli) will “short circuit”.  Their central nervous systems are 1) Failing to take in stimuli accurately: by either perceiving too much or too little 2) Failing to organize stimuli effectively 3) Therefor they will be unable to process thru and effectively respond to stimuli, negative or positive. It is these glitches in the central nervous system that I believe, lend themselves to the above listed emotional and social milestone delays. 

     Emotional Regulation:   For example, a child who has not yet mastered or begun to master Emotional regulation, can be short tempered, prone to meltdowns that are not age appropriate, likely to give up easily when learning new tasks,  appear very “needy”, appear very “angry”, have a difficult time with “stops & starts”.    In order to control their temper for example, exhibit emotional regulation,  a child must be able to:  A) quickly assess a given situation, B) Identify how they are feeling, C) problem solve, D) choose & demonstrate socially & age appropriate reactions. Until a child is able to do the above listed, they will not acquire “emotional control”.   Hence we see our children have meltdowns, whether they are being asked to sit quietly at the library, put a puzzle together, or even when at a best friend’s birthday party.  Stimuli are stimuli:  Positive or negative, a sensory child can have difficulty and be challenged by both.   We can easily understand the child becoming frustrated with a puzzle, but completely mystified when Disney World renders our sensory child irritable, hyper, moody, or even detached.

      Children with emotional regulation also have problems with stops and starts.  Whether it involves starting a new task or moving on to a new one.  We have all seen this happen in all children really.  It is time to leave the park, Johnny has a meltdown…The key difference I think is that in sensory kids, the meltdowns  happen frequently, and they tend to happen on grand scales and last much longer.   Eventually, most kids, after repetitive tantrums, realize that their “gig is up”, the tantrums “don’t work”, and move on to a more self-adjusted approach.  Starts are a key difference as well.  They have trouble settling in, acclimating to new beginnings.   Sensory kids, don’t make these shifts with just time and typically expected maturity leaps.  They must be sensory organized first.  It is then and only then, that these shifts happen. 

  Problems with emotional regulation unfortunately have a ripple effect, and contribute to exacerbating other milestone delays exhibited in sensory challenged children. 

     Frustration intolerance, Attention span & Learning:  Sensory challenged children can also appear to have a diminished ability to deal with frustration, which can lead to  shorter attention spans.  Again, I believe it all ties into the same quirky central nervous system issue.  In order to sustain focus & learn, take learning to read as an example: a child must be able to  A) Understand that focus is needed (assess a situation) B) Recognize on some level that they are anxious. (Identify how they are feeling: anxious) C) accept that focus is necessary, & remember that they can & have managed it before (problem solve) D) manage their frustration level in order to sustain required  focus (choose too and execute an age appropriate response). In the above scenario, the sensory or auditory challenged child often reacts this way instead: Feel bombarded by anxiety at the thought of learning a new task and become over stimulated:  (stuck in the emotion and is rendered unable to mentally assess the situation accurately).  They will then begin to  over react, “over feel” frustration and either act out or shut down:  (fail to organize stimuli effectively and fail to Identify). They will then proceed to get lost in that level of frustration and fail to try to gain control of their frustration (unable to process through stimuli and problem solve ). They will give up (fail to find a solution).   Thus the sensory kid, who is not taking in given stimuli accurately, organizing  effectively, will be unable to move thru these necessary processing and can have great difficulty with attention span, thus, affect the ability to learn a new task, such as learning to read.

     It is important to know that it is difficult to understand in the beginning if this is just a “sensory issue” or a separate issue all together.  Time will tell.  As you work with your child, and help their world’s to become more “sensory integrated”, if it is just sensory related, their attention spans will grow to an age appropriate range. It is important to understand that you must sensory integrate your child before you heap upon him big learning challenges that are not yet within his/her emotional range.  To do so before they are sensory ready will only serve to frustrate you and your child, and lead to failure.  Do not misunderstand, all children no matter where they are can and will learn.  It is just very important to understand where “your” child falls on that curve…Very important.

     Social cues, Filtering, Boundaries setting proper limits & respecting them:  Sensory kids can exhibit problems in these areas as well.  First, their proprioceptive “time & space” is often off, again a mismanaged central nervous system.  These kids have a difficult time assessing themselves “in the moment”, mentally & physically.  Which can lend itself to social problems.  For example, the local playground:  By as young as age three, kids are starting to take in, understand, and manage some social protocol.  Waiting their turn at the slide, respecting others space such as not bumping and leaning into others, learning not to dart into others to avoid collisions, standing at an appropriate physical space next to another.  Voice regulation: not speaking to loud or too soft.  The ability to filter starts to develop: When kid’s start to learn the ability to appropriately respond to others in a way that is conducive to relationship building. They learn that they can control what they “voice”, choose their words more carefully as not to alienate others.   Able to accurately “read” other’s body language:  a smile means “I like you”, a frown conveys “back off”.  Kids are learning to intuitively “feel” the emotional, physical and social temperature in the given social setting, and adjust their actions age appropriately.  They understand and are able to adjust their mind and bodies so that they “fit in”.  All of these milestones are the early building blocks in becoming social integrated.  In order to read social cues, properly filter, set & respect boundaries both physical and mental, these things must happen:  A) Perceive & read the social protocol of the playground (assess) B)   Be self-aware of how they are acting and how their actions are affecting others (Identify)  C) Recognize proper ways in which how they can navigate assessed “social protocol”. (problem solve)  D) A desire to adjust/ successfully Change their behavior to socially acclimate. (Choose age appropriate reactions).  Sensory kids often are not physically integrated into their worlds.  There also can be a misfire when it comes to spatial relations, “time & space”.  Again, their central nervous systems are failing to take in stimuli accurately, and organize it effectively, but now in a physical sense.  Watch some sensory kids.  They often bump, over lean, and even completely miss when it comes to relating to the physical world.  They trip over their own feet, bump into walls, fall off chairs, and miss their mouth when eating….so it is so with their peers.  You see them bump into others, crowd social space, talk too loud or too soft.  Socially, this can get in their way, and if at the same time they are unable to take in social cues accurately, problem solve and make appropriate adjustments…..well….do you see how it all ties in?
      The good news is, as they become sensory integrated, emotionally, mentally, and physically, the rest will fall into place.  Chances are high, because you have worked so hard as a parent, gone above and beyond with communication, setting examples, patience, and behavior management programs, because you have instilled in them many ethics and values that many non-sensory challenged kids have yet to learn, when all of you turn this corner….much of your future work could be easier…you may indeed find your children ahead of the game.  I have witnessed this phenomenon in my own children. So as I have always said…there is usually a  pay off at the end of  every the tunnel.
     Impulse Control & learning from past mistakes:  The sensory child can have a tough time here as well. Again, let’s look at the cycle.  Impulse control: assess- identify- problem solve- make appropriate choices….In order for a child to master Impulse control many things have to happen correctly.  Consider this:  Johnny is playing ball outside with several of his friends.  Kids are laughing, running, yelling.  Balls are flying and it is hot outside.  The ball inevitably ends up flying in the street….and of course, it is  your child who runs into the street to retrieve the ball without even looking up to check for cars….an accident waiting to happen.  Impulsive.  Let’s examine what went wrong from a sensory standpoint:  First it is likely that your Johhny’s central nervous system failed to take in the external stimuli accurately (in this case too much-over stimulated), and then failed to properly organize it.  Chances are high that the laughing and yelling was perceived by his brain to be much louder than that of his peer’s brains.  The running and ball flying, probably way too much stimuli and was perceived by his brain as frenzied and chaotic.  The hot day, if the other children were feeling the effects of the heat, Johnny was probably boiling hot and it was starting to affect him mentally and emotionally.  His brain/central nervous system most likely started to “short circuit” before Johnny even had the chance to Assess: The ball went in to the street. Identify: Move from an excited state to one that allows one to stop and think.  Problem solve: recognize that streets can be dangerous.  Choose appropriate response: Look both ways before carefully entering the street to retrieve the ball. Instead, Johnny ran into the street without breaking speed.   Do you see the connection?  Johnnie's impulsive nature is directly tied to his sensory issues.  And can you imagine how difficult it would be to demonstrate the ability to learn from past mistakes when your body is unable to A) accurately take in and B) organize the “moment” smoothly, and in a time efficient manner that is required in order to make good choices?  When prompted, either before playing or after, Johnnie may be able to explain the dangers of running blindly into the street, but that does not mean that while in “the moment”, he can effectively process himself to a state that facilitates non-impulsive actions and good choices.  So you can see how sensory issues can lend themselves to impulsivity and appear that the child is unable to learn from past mistakes.  I believe that these children do indeed learn, they have the ability to understand, but the problem lies more in their ability to react appropriately while in the moment. Have you ever gotten lost in an unfamiliar area while driving?  Remember how that felt?  Most likely you became disorientated and frazzled which caused you to be unable to think clearly, so you kept going in circles, making wrong turns over and over, when if you had just pulled over and made a call or consulted a map you could have avoided the whole situation.  Your central nervous system temporarily “short circuited”.  I believe that this is how sensory kids feel on most days. 
     Sensory challenged kids are often delayed when it comes to some or many Emotional Milestones.  In my opinion they are often misunderstood and can get a bad rap, as well as us parents.    Sensory Integration disorders are still relatively new to the medical arena, and much is still needed to be understood.  It is difficult to understand how sensory issues can lend themselves to poor behavior.  Kids can be viewed as spoiled, out of control; “bad”….Parents can be seen as irresponsible, ineffective, and oblivious.  I believe that this is not the case.  When you look at behavior from a sensory standpoint, see how it directly effects things like emotional regulation, impulse control, attention span and mood, you can begin to understand your child.  Begin to help them. 
     The great news is that research shows that with early intervention, great strides can be made to help your child’s brain/body to integrate and organize with the outside world.  Buy the books, find the professionals, do the work, if it fails try harder.   Don’t give up. 

     I want to add that this post, as with all my posts, is an eclectic collection of ideas that I have learned from health professionals, teachers, family members, close friends, as well as some of my own thoughts.  I make no declaration that I have it all figured out, because I don’t.  I suppose I could easily find some who agree and others that  don’t.  My point in sharing these thoughts is just that.  Sharing.  If you take something away from it that helps, then that is what I think counts.  
   

  Hope this helps,

  qannie

Sensory Processing Disorder & and learning to read.

     Sensory Processing Disorders & Reading.....This was a tough one.  My Michael struggled with learning to read.  In short, he hated it.  Here is why.  As I have mentioned before, kids with Sensory Issues are often behind in some maturity milestones.  Particularly frustration tolerance.  Learning to read requires a lot of patience and having to deal with frustration.

     Michael's ability to deal effectively with feeling frustrated at the beginning of 1st grade was probably about that of a 4 yr. old.  His reading level at that time was barely meeting kindergarten requirements.

     I choose not to worry about it.  I choose to work on his emotional needs first.  I felt that he needed to acquire skills such as frustration tolerance, patience, anger management, impulse control....pretty much anything that came under the umbrella of "emotional regulation".  I let his teacher know that this was my chief area of concern, so reading, writing, etc...would not be a daily part of our regime.  If Michael got through the day sitting still, keeping his hands to himself, and was able to follow rules I would be thrilled.

     About 1/2 way through the year, they did their quarterly standardized testing.....Michael came in at the 5%.  His report card reflected that he had not yet met the standards   I panicked.  I  second guessed myself.  What was I thinking?  OMG!!!, I was completely off!!! While we had made GREAT strides with emotional regulation, I had set my son up to be completely behind academically......I had failed as a parent. UGH.

     So I called one of my trusted advisers who had already been through all of this, who knew my children, and asked their opinion....Their advise seemed wise, so I took it.

     Twelve weeks later, Michael is not only reading, but has caught up to first grade reading standards.  As a matter of fact, today, 15 weeks later, he has met all the requirements outlined for the end of 1st grade.

     I was not wrong.  I had not failed.

     Coincidentally, when I discovered that Michael was so behind academically, it was at the same time that I was starting to see some real success in regards to emotional regulation.  It was time. Michael was ready to handle the pressures of learning to read.

     Here is what I did.

     I took all the 1st grade level books and tucked them away.  I pulled out all the books that he should have already mastered in Kindergarten.  "Little A & Little B" books.  Books that some three year old's were already mastering.  I did not care.  This is where we would start.  I would make it as simple/easy/stress free as possible...work on him feeling successful.  I never corrected him, never..when he stumbled on a word, I never let him struggle, I just read it for him.   Let him see that he could.....  He cried and cried through the entire first step process.  10 minutes a night.   I did this for about four weeks.  I did this until Michael was so adept at reading these books he could read them without looking at the pages.  No, Michael was not reading yet...he had memorized....but he was starting to feel successful.....

     Second stage.  I took him to books like "Green eggs & Ham".  Again, books that Kindergartner's were mastering.  Books that had lots of rhyming.  10 minutes....Lots of crying.   I just let him read.  Again, I never corrected him.  This is important.  The Sensory child is so concerned about failing, unable to move through mistakes,  that it can become a road block to learning.  So I made sure reading was an "error free" zone.

  At this point I started flash cards.  Twenty five a night..before reading.   I noticed  that flash cards were a breeze for him.  He could memorize, but did not have the patience yet for phonics.  That was okay, let him memorize....many words in early reading books are site words so I figured that  the more words he knew on a page, the more successful he would feel...can only lend itself to more success..  I also noticed that  he was extremely proficient at flash cards, when he read them one at a time.  However,  he struggled when it came to reading those same words in a sentence.....hmmmm....he was still too stressed to realize that he knew the words...that was okay, we kept going.  I eventually started putting his flash cards in five word linear groups, in sentence format.  This was a big break-through....it shifted him from reading one word at a time in flash card style and got him comfortable with reading in sentence format.....and then we were off and running......

     Eventually, Michael felt successful enough to start trying to sound words out.  Phonics.

    Twelve weeks later, ten minutes a night & flash cards, report cards came....I believe the words verbatim were, "Michael has made "extraordinary" leaps in regards to reading and writing".  "I can see how hard you have been working at home, Michael is now meeting 1st grade standards".  TWELVE WEEKS....TWELVE!!!!!!  We had accomplished in twelve weeks the same skill sets that other moms have been working on since they were babies...

     Three weeks later, I checked Michael's reading levels just tonight, and found that he is meeting all reading standards that he needs to meet by the end of 1st grade...  Eight weeks left, he is ahead of the game...  Imagine what we can acomplish in eight weeks.  HA!

     Don't misunderstand, I am not bragging....My point, My big lesson learned as a mom.  While I will never undermine the importance of reading with a child, working on these very important skills that every child must master, remember that it is also very important that with Sensory children, you must meet them where they are.  Meet there own personal & unique needs first.  The rest will fall into place.

     Michael no longer cries when he reads.  He exclaims, "reading is easy!".  It makes me cry.  I am so proud of him.  So happy to see him feel proud.....

     So these are my tips....I hope they help...

     Qannie 

    

    

       
    

    

   

    

Sensory Processing Disorders: A Message of HOPE...

     Hi Mom and Dads,  It has been on my mind lately that I should write a message about hope.  You see, my kids and I have come so far.  We have achieved so many goals and cleared so many hurdles.  I feel compelled to share these not so small miracles with you.

     In my life, I have always felt that when God blesses you, it is important to share it.  Sharing his blessings I feel, is part of the package.  One of the reasons God sends them my way, the bigger picture.

     Hope.  When contemplating the best approach I should use to send a message of hope, I thought at first  about sharing all of my fears, tears, concerns, doubts.....everything.

     I thought that I would lead with these first paralyzing days of the past and segway into all of the insights and triumphs I have encountered as I  journeyed  into the world of Sensory Issues.  Pump you all up with positive expletives that would include,   "Don't worry", "Keep the faith", "It will all work out" kind of messages.

    Then I thought, No I think I would rather just recap and highlight my children's story. 

    After all, it is in their stories that hope is found.

     Michael.  Michael is my 7yr. old.  It was around age 2 that my eyebrows started to raise a bit.  By Kindergarten, age five, he was out of control, smart mouthed, contemptuous, behind in emotional/social/academic milestones.  Dressing issues.  It was at the start of Kindergarten which brought it all to a head, full throttle.  It was then that he truly unraveled, taking Michael and the entire family to a new scarier, deeply concerning place.  

     Full throttle meant  that he began hurting his twin brother Everett. He started throwing chairs across the room, lying, stealing, attacking us parents to the point that I had to body restrain him by wrapping myself around him until he calmed down.  I would sit him on the floor.  I would sit behind him and criss/cross my legs around him while simultaneously crossing  his arms around his body with my own arms just to keep him in place. I essentially turned myself into a straight jacket.  He would at that point, start slamming the back of his head into the front of my chest.  I started to keep a pillow on hand to cushion the blows as I was afraid he was going to break my chest bone.  Each time, when I had to do this, my tears would spill down my cheeks and land on the top of his head while I waited for it to end.  There were now holes in his walls, the tops of his dressers were destroyed.  The antique furnishings, which I imagined survived many happy childhoods now were defaced with deep angry scratches to the point that their entire finish was completely gone.

      I could not get this child to do anything. Not read, not write,  sit at a dinner table, the list was endless. The worst part of it all was that when I looked into my child's eyes after he did something wrong,  I could not find remorse. I loved this child. I can't even begin to tell you the endless tears I have shed over this child of mine.  Although I suspect some of you reading this are nodding your head right about now.

     I will never forget the day when Michael just pushed me to my end.  I was on his heels chasing him as he tried to run away from me.  He was half way up the stairs and I shouted out his name, "Michael", I screamed as I walked up to him as to tower over him.  He stopped, turned, and just glared at me.  Just glared.  A glare filled with so much anger, contempt, disdain.  "Michael", I said in a voice that I did not recognize as my own, my finger pointing directly in his face,  "Understand this now...YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME. I AM BIGGER AND STRONGER AND SMARTER THEN YOU.  NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR SAY, UNDERSTAND THIS NOW MICHAEL, YOU WILL NEVER EVER WIN. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, BEAT ME." 

      I looked into my sons eyes,  and for the first time, I saw his lower lip tremble,  His beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.  He just stared back at me, turned, and walked away. I shrunk down upon the stair and  I  cried, again for what felt like the thousandth time.  I too had now unraveled.  I was ashamed.

     It was time to call a doctor.  I did.

     I questioned, listened, read, tried, failed, tried again.

     That was about one and a half years ago.

     Today, Michael is thriving in first grade.   Michael is my child with a big heart and he has learned how to express it.  He is smart, sensitive, intuitive, thoughtful, funny...boy is he funny.  He is a child that is now  capable of showing empathy and compassion.  He has learned tolerance, emotional control, and self regulation.  He no longer cries when he dresses. Gone are his rages and destructive outbursts.  He has learned to use his words instead of his fists. Michael's world has become more organized from a sensory perspective.   He has found his smile, and it is a beautiful one.

     When we started this journey, I was disheartened, afraid, lost, confused and angry.  Today, I can see that our battle wounds are starting to fade.  Never to be forgotten, more a badge of honor.
    
.     I remember a moment in time when I first started this journey of trying to understand.  Michael was sitting across from me at the kitchen table.  In a moment of trying to transcend my love, to repair some of our tough moments,  I told Michael that I thought he was perfect.  His reply was so succinct...so right on.  Those blue eyes of his looked back at me,  straight in the eye and said, "Oh yeah?  If I'm so perfect then why are you trying to change me?".   It was at that moment, I realized that before I could hope to "change" him, I would first have to accept him.

     So as I end this post, I find myself having to confess that I have indeed lied.  For I truly can not end this story without saying to all of you...."Don't worry"  "Keep the faith"  "It will all work out".

     HOPE

     Goodnight,

     Qannie

    

Sensory Processiing Disorder

Thought For The Day:  When my child breaks rules or makes poor choices that I know are within his abilities to make better ones I will give consequences.  When he is demonstrating emotional outbursts such as temper tantrums, back talking, aggression, I will give him love, mercy and understanding.  For this is what he needs.  In these moments I will remember that it is not yet  within his emotional range to exhibit patience, tolerance, and self control.  It will be up to me to model it for him. Qannie